I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
