The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
