I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
