I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
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