He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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