So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize