You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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