If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
