you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
