i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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