All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
