VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
