just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
