you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
