Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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