I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
try to milk me bitch
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
