Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
