when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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