Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
