This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
