I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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