I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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