you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
