Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
