did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize