One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
