the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
