got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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