You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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