I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
