Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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