I cut my penus on the lid.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
