he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
