You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
