I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
