just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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