I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
