There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize