Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
