we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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