Im at strip club and am horny
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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