when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
