Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize