If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
