You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
