Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
