Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
