Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
