I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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