What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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