this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
