Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Too much gin, very little bucket
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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