when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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