Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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