He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
