My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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