I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
