Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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