Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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