why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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