Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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