i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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