Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
love makes seman taste better
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
