The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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