Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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