I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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