Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
A+ Viking dick
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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